Women’s special place in hell

by Deborah on February 15, 2012

Madeleine Albright reckons ‘there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.’

I reckon the potential for overcrowding is huge.

What is it about us that we find it so hard to celebrate the successes of other women?

How come senior women don’t feel able to confidently lead initiatives that are geared to increase opportunities for other women?

Why do so many women prefer to work for blokes than other women?

The reasons are complex, but typically stem from the personal: our insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears.  ‘Will she show me up?’ ‘I’ve done as much as she has and I’m not getting an award,’ ‘ I’m disappointed that I missed out, and can’t bring myself to … ‘if I support a women’s event, I’m accepting that I am different and need special favours…’

Despite their feelings and personal reservations, senior women have a professional responsibility to step up and actively help other women.

They need to

* lead initiatives that are geared to address inequitable practices.

* publicly articulate their support for other women.

* visibly engage with male champions, rather than offer quiet counsel in the background.

When women tell me that the issues for women have long been addressed, I say they have not been paying attention.

When they say they can’t relate to the issues and have never experienced discrimination in their careers, I wonder what they may have sacrificed along the way to get to where they are or what support they may have had that others missed out on.

When women say they shouldn’t be singled out in need of special favours, I say the reason we need to develop programs and initiatives for women is not because we are inadequate but because the systems, structures and culture we live and work in are.

The numbers speak for themselves. There are insufficient women in senior positions of power and leadership. So how can we possibly be confident about the decisions made from the top? How can we rely on organisations to accommodate the needs and interests of women if decisions are made about them by men? How can we expect true economic and political power and a safe and secure society when women’s voices are so frequently talked over or ignored?

Women leaders have a professional, ethical, and moral responsibility to step up and lead the changes we need to address the dearth of women at the top.

It’s not about women. It’s about everyone. And by taking the lead, we might all find ourselves in heaven.

Watch the TED video clip of Madeleine Albright

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Just because we’re good at doing it, doesn’t mean we have to do it!

Women are overworked enough without taking responsibility for things others should be doing.

Think about it: how often do you step in to make someone else’s life easier or more comfortable?

How often do you

  • fill the silences when no one else is talking?
  • initiate and organise social events for friends and family?
  • make the kids’ lunch or do their chores even when they’re old enough to do so themselves?
  • attempt to create harmony and smooth over harsh words between family members and friends?

Are you a woman who:

  • Does the work of others because your good or faster at it  – until you resent doing so?
  • Agrees to work overtime, join working committees, or do more than your fair share just because ‘we need someone to do it’?
  • Assumes that if a colleague or a boss identifies a problem, it must be yours to fix: ‘I can’t get the photo copier to work!’ groans a colleague. ‘Let me take a look,’ or ‘wait a minute, let me find the number for the maintenance guy…’

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important that we offer friendship and support to others. It’s vital that we work towards creating harmonious relationships and contribute to more productive, effective workplaces. But it’s a shared responsibility.

Every time we step in to do the work, fill the space, fix the problem or create the peace we prevent others from stepping up to the plate.

Every time we do something because we’re better at it, or it will be faster or more convenient, we deny others the opportunity to learn, grow and develop. When people don’t learn, they don’t grow, have fewer opportunities available to them and are less able to contribute fully.

Every time we take charge we not only collude in perpetuating the perception that women are on the planet to make the lives of others’ comfortable, we also risk our own work, expend valuable energy and time and we prevent others from learning, contributing and taking responsibility for themselves.

We need everyone to contribute to creating a better world. This means we need to create the space and opportunity for everyone to participate.

So next time you have the inclination to step in and do something for someone, stop.  Give them the respect they deserve and the encouragement they need to do it themselves.

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